Placebo: It felt like my entire world including myself turned upside down. I’ve had imposter syndrome for a long time, but never something like this and to this extent. Everything I thought I knew, knew about myself, or had pride in became the complete
opposite for different reasons and I started to do things I’ve never done before. Everything felt like a lie. It felt like I suddenly became
a completely different person and I think it was bc my brain was in so much shock from what had happened recently and in the past
as I started processing this during quarantine and in therapy.
page 1: Notes and reminders to myself
page 2: Something my friend, Jerilyn Lee, said to me that sparked an idea that ended up in my zine
page 3:  The famous line “잘 자라 우리아가” (sleep well my child). I developed severe insomnia and have had nightmares from PTSD 
for seven months straight now. They used to be every night and horrible to the point where I would rather not sleep than experience them again but of course I had to. I would wake up crying, extremely on edge, or even more exhausted than before I fell asleep. Thankfully they died down a bit but it’s still been hard.
page 4: Stages of my life and my perspective looking back on them as of now. Clothes, hair, expression, the red marks, all have
a purpose. The quote is something I wish I could tell my past self every time I get out of a phase in my life.
page 5: You can read the quote in whatever order. When we buy something, we usually cut off the price tags bc we don’t need them anymore. Price tags also have the value of whatever we bought money wise. I mentioned in one of my previous project that I’m reevaluating where people stand in my life. I decided to cut off or change my relationship with some people. Even though it might
not feel different to some, I definitely think and see differently of them.
page 6: Inspired by classical portraits but of course it looks nothing like it haha. “뭐 갖고 싶어? 뭐 하고 싶어?” (What do you want?
What do you want to do?) Things I kept asking myself for a while a while ago. I felt so lost and didn’t know what to do or where to
go but to kill myself or walk to the bridge again. I’ve been in this place before and I’m not alone but I’ve never experienced it to this
level before. I felt really tired and couldn’t take it anymore. Letters of my name all over the place, I kept calling my name to myself sometimes as if a nurturing mother was comforting me as a cried. I really felt alone as I was constantly physically alone during
this mess and never really had family to go to.
opqrst : An acronym used in the medical field to look for symptoms of a possible heart attack. I know it’s not the same but I had
crazy chest pains and breathing problems for about six months straight due to insane stress and anxiety. I ended up having symptoms for something that involved the chest and the heart as well and it was incredibly difficult both mentally and physically.

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