Zine of Fall 2020

It felt like my entire world, including myself, had turned upside down.
I’ve had imposter syndrome for a long time, but never something like this and to this extent. Everything I thought I knew, knew about myself, or had pride in, became the complete opposite for different reasons, and I started to do things I’ve never done before.

Everything felt like a lie; I couldn't tell what was real or not anymore.
It felt like I suddenly became a completely different person and it was probably because my brain was in so much shock from what had happened recently and in the past as I started processing this during quarantine and in therapy.
page 1:

Notes and reminders to myself.
page 2:

Something my friend said to me that sparked an idea
that inspired me to use in my zine.
page 3: 

The famous line, “잘 자라 우리아가” (sleep well my child).

I developed severe insomnia and have had nightmares from PTSD for seven months straight now. They used to be every night and so horrible to the point where I would rather not sleep than experience them again but of course I had to.
I would wake up crying, extremely on edge, or even more exhausted than before I fell asleep.

Thankfully, they died down a bit but it’s still been hard.
page 4:

Major stages of my life and my perspective looking
back on them as of now.

Clothes, hair, expression, the red marks (not about self-harm),
all have a purpose. The quote is something I wish I could tell
my past self every time I get out of a phase in my life.
page 5:

You can read the quote in whatever order.

When we buy a product, we usually cut off the price tags because 
we don’t need them anymore. Price tags also have the value of whatever we bought money wise.

I’m currently reevaluating where people stand in my life and figuring
out how to do it. I decided to cut off or change my relationship
and perception with many of the people I couldn't let go in the past.
Even though it might not feel any different to some, if not most,
I definitely think and see differently of them now.
page 6:

Inspired by classical portraits.

“뭐 갖고 싶어? 뭐 하고 싶어?”
(What do you want? What do you want to do?)

Things I kept asking myself for a while a while ago. I felt so lost and didn’t know what to do or where to go but to kill myself or walk
to the bridge again. I’ve been in this place before and I’m not alone,
but I’ve never experienced it to this level before. I felt really tired and couldn’t take it anymore.

Letters of my name all over the place, I kept calling my name to myself sometimes as if a nurturing mother was comforting me as a cried.
I really felt alone as I was constantly physically alone during this mess and never really had family to go to.

An acronym used in the medical field to look for symptoms
of a possible heart attack.

I know it’s not the same but I had insane chest pains and breathing problems for about six months straight due to the amount of
stress and anxiety. I ended up having symptoms for something that involved the chest and the heart as well and it was incredibly difficult both mentally and physically.

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